Family Eulogy
Precious Memories
By the children of Joyce Goodman
Sherrouse
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In January of this year, we
lost a piece of our heart when our Daddy, When we thought about what we
wanted to say today about our mother, it was hard to separate our memories of
her from the memories of our daddy. They
were inseparable throughout their 67 years together, and are inseparable in our
memories. Though battling Alzheimer’s
and many other health issues, she somehow called upon deep reserves of strength
and composure when Daddy passed. Her
daughter, Lois, recalls being concerned about her mother’s ability to handle
the large number of people who attended Thereafter, she would often
talk about our Daddy in the present tense as if he were still with us, always
worrying if he was comfortable and had enough to eat. Sometimes, she would catch her mental miscue
in mid sentence, and shake her head sadly and, with tears in her eyes, say – Listen at me – I know better than
that!” Sometimes, we would have to
gently remind her that Daddy was in heaven and no longer with us, and she would
quickly reply – I’m not likely to forget that
in my lifetime.” Predictably,
though after his passing, her health declined significantly and quickly, and by
June 2007, she said one night, I’m just all worn out, and ready for the
Lord to come and take me. She was one of 11 children
born to Bihue and Viola Goodman between 1907 and 1927. As was common “back in the day”, she married
our daddy in 1940 at an early age – when she was just 16 years old. They had us 4 children together between 1941
and 1954. In addition to making a home
for us, our mother worked long, hard hours, side by side, with our daddy for
many years in the farming and cattle ranching business. As
children, we spent a lot time together in the fields with her and Daddy, tending
crops and working the cattle. Daddy
always delighted in telling stories about how they, together, would throw
calves to the ground, and then mother
would sit on the calves and hold them in place until the work was done on
them. A constant throughout our
childhoods was frequent family get togethers with our Goodman aunts and uncles
and cousins. Our mother nurtured
relationships with her brothers and sisters throughout her life. She delighted in singing, fishing, and
eating with them (especially with her sister, Gladys), and in attending family
reunions. In fact, for many years, she organized the annual family reunions of
her mother’s side of the family. Her love of singing and good
food was also shared with her friends within the community and through her
church fellowship. Many of you in the
audience today know about her fruitcake and chicken and dumplings which were
probably her signature dishes. It is
significant that when Alzheimer’s really began to claim her mind within the
last couple of months, what she talked about most was church related
activities. When she wasn’t talking
about church activities, she was singing, non stop – maybe she knew that her
time to do so here was
limited. Some of our earliest memories
of her involve her caring for others in the community who might be experiencing
health problems. It was not uncommon for
her to spend days and weeks in someone’s home, cleaning, cooking, and seeing to
their comfort and medical needs. This
memory was reinforced to us in recent days when someone in the community
mistakenly believed that she had been a nurse.
In fact, her life was all
about comfort but, in true Southern tradition, it was not about her comfort, but the comfort of
others. As far as we can determine, the
comfort of others centered primarily around two items – food and “covers” – as
on a cold night, did whoever might be staying overnight have enough “covers” to
stay warm? Our mother’s hands were never
at rest. In her “idle” time, she always
had a crochet needle in her hands, making elaborate doilies which she would
later make gifts of – many of you today probably have her handiwork in your
homes. As children, most of our clothes
were handmade by her. She also devoted a lot of
time and effort to canning vegetables from their farming endeavors, and our
cupboards and freezers were always well stocked with the fruits of their labors. She had a number of unique
sayings, and they never failed to make us laugh. §
Cold as a frog’s
tail. §
My mouth is as
dry as a powder house §
Not worth the
salt in my grits §
More aches than
Carters has pills §
A “sliver” of
pie - a sliver was something less than a slice, but allowed you to go back
for another “sliver” without guilt. These are just a few that
come to mind, but there were many others.
We were very fortunate in
recent years to have several wonderful caregivers to help us take care of
mother and daddy in their home. Without
fail, all of them fell in love with mother and daddy, and became very attached
to them. All of them have commented, at
one time or the other, about the wonderful example our parents set for them and
us. One recently commented that “I needed Joyce just as much as she needed me...,but she is now again in the arms of the man who kept her safe and happy for 60
something years.” And from the 12
year old daughter of that caregiver who was a sometime fishing buddy of
mother’s…I don’t know why, but she had to
leave us. I pray a lot and tell them
both that I miss and love them, and that I will feed the fish for them. I love her and I wish she would come back,
but she is in a better place with her husband.”
More than anything, our
mother’s life (and our daddy’s, too) was about connections to family and
friends. They were the glue that held us
together as family, and they both gave us a strong appreciation for the
importance of family. Mother lost her
Mama, Viola, in 1956, and her Papa, Bihue, in 1967. It gave her great pleasure back in the
summer when her granddaughter, Esther, and her husband, Dave announced that
their soon to be born son, would have the name of “Bihue”. Fortunately, when we told her, she still had
enough presence of mind to appreciate the gesture, and what she said, with a
big smile on her face was….Bihue…, it
ain’t pretty, but that’s real nice.
The loss of her parents so many years ago did not
result in the loss of connection to her brothers and sisters and to other
family members. On the contrary, the
connection was probably strengthened.
That is our mother’s legacy and the challenge that we, as the children
of Joyce and Dalton Sherrouse face.
Without them, it will be difficult to stay connected, but we must as it is the best way for us
to honor their memories. Precious father,
loving mother, Precious memories
flood my soul. |
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